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RichG




Joined: 22 Apr 2004
Posts: 1883
Location: SW London

PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 8:46 pm    Post subject: One for Robert Reply with quote

What is the difference between Italians and toast?


You can make soldiers out of toast

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Laughing Laughing Laughing

(Couldn't resist mate, happy Xmas)
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Robert




Joined: 15 May 2003
Posts: 9238
Location: Back from outer space

PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ouch! I think I hurt my ribs laughing so hard.... Rolling Eyes

Have a good 'un mate - hope Santa brings you a joke book! Twisted Evil Wink
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Stealth Attack




Joined: 19 May 2003
Posts: 6891
Location: London

PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 10:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Shortest book in the World? Italian book of war heroes.

What's so special about Italian tanks? One forward and six reverse gears.

I could go on, but Robert works in the same building and he might snithch on me to the IT guys about my regular visits to the forum!

Giantman Very Happy Very Happy
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Robert




Joined: 15 May 2003
Posts: 9238
Location: Back from outer space

PostPosted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Not to mention all the millions of jokes about the English.

You can tell an English worker by his hands.... they're always in his pockets.

When the State asks an Italian to die for his country, he finds an excuse not to get himself killed. An Englishman will lie about his age and queue for hours for the pleasure.

When do you use an English soldier? When the ANZAC, Irish and Scottish cannon fodder has run out.

Millions of lives wasted to prevent Germany from taking over the country.... and yet English soldiers die for a German Queen.

I could go on, but then I'd be xenophobic Rolling Eyes
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woody70




Joined: 07 Aug 2005
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Location: Seaford, East Sussex

PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 12:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now now chaps, good will to all men, except the French, obviously.

As an englishman through and through, married to a half Italian girl I have had a chuckle, and had to agree with a couple of points, but I think we should get back on message and start knocking the French instead, to that end I offer:

STOP PRESS, French emergency message from central government,( who are at present looking at the Eurostar timetable to work out the quickest way out of France. )

*******Step up to Def Com 3, ******

This is the third highest alert level in the French military, the only two higher are known as Surrender and Collaborate.

And the reason for this sudden emergency action????

France has suffered a catestrophic disaster which has all but crippled the military, and made any military action whatsoever almost impossible.

There has been a fire at the main white flag factory, all stocks have been destroyed, if there was a conflict the French military forces would have to go into action based on stocks held locally, barely one white flag between three, theArmy's downed tools and gone for a coffee and brandy until supplies can be re established.

I know this is an old one, but its been my favoutite for years.

Merci, thank you for reading, happy Christmas.
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Stealth Attack




Joined: 19 May 2003
Posts: 6891
Location: London

PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 12:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If we can't take a pop at other folk's national stereotypes without causing offence, then we might as well all go home and pack it in. And in any event, us English, are well used to being made a mockery of, particularly in the world of footie, cricket, rugby..........


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tweenster




Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 3729
Location: Gosport

PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 2:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

One of my favourites is:

How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris?

Don't know, they've never done it!

And a Merry Christmas to you all.
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woody70




Joined: 07 Aug 2005
Posts: 1335
Location: Seaford, East Sussex

PostPosted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

tweenster wrote:
One of my favourites is:

How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris?

Don't know, they've never done it!



Like it.
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Robert




Joined: 15 May 2003
Posts: 9238
Location: Back from outer space

PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wouldn't knock the French either:

For many years, drivers of diesel and electric trains in the UK were at risk from bird strikes when working at speeds where a bird hitting the front of the train could penetrate the windscreen of the driving cab.

In an effort to provide a better degree of safety, research was done to find a suitable toughened glass windscreen for drivers. As part of this research, advice was sought from French TGV engineers, who suggested that a good test for any new glass type was to fire a chicken at high speed towards the window material. The test was duly set up and a number of dead chickens obtained.

The test with the first chicken showed that the glass was not tough enough, even though it was of a standard used by TGV trains. A second test also smashed the glass. Another test smashed the third windscreen. Repeated attempts showed that no glass could stand up to the chicken being fired at it.

More advice was sought from the TGV engineers, who could not understand why the glass they used could withstand bird strikes at 300kph but kept failing the UK railway tests (100kph). They decided to come and witness the test for themselves.

The UK research team set up a new test and sent someone to obtain more chickens. When the chickens arrived, it was then the French experts realised what was wrong.

"You know, you do have to defrost the chickens first".
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Stealth Attack




Joined: 19 May 2003
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Location: London

PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Noooo! that's a fowl joke!

Giantman Wink Wink
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woody70




Joined: 07 Aug 2005
Posts: 1335
Location: Seaford, East Sussex

PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2006 7:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd heard that one related to aircraft windscreens, can't remember who was supposed to have used the frozen birds, probably the americans!

Can we do american jokes???? ( don't know any, but there must be lots out there )
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