Monitoring website usage - home wifi

[J50]

So it looks like the teenager has discovered some of my favourite websites on his laptop. In my day it was nicking copies of Razzle and Readers Wives from newsagents (mild confession there), but things have moved on.

So what's the plan? Don't see the point in coming down hard as I believe that this just pushes such a issue further away from you where you can't monitor it. Is there a way I can monitor what websites he visits through our Wifi when on his laptop? I.e. remotely, as opposed to sneaking on his laptop when he's in the shower? [There's another side issue as well, a just-teenage boy wanting to take up to two showers a day!! Maybe there's a connection...]

Thanks for any thoughts or ideas...

[boondog]

I'm not quite there yet, but I did use to police web usage at work, and sometime you are better off not knowing what they look at
Part of me as a parent thinks you should monitor it, have a word etc, and part of me thinks I'd be horrified if that happened to me as a kid. Be interesting to hear what other parents of teenagers do.
Maybe build into a conversation how you can monitor all traffic, and turn it into a technical discussion ?

[NickF]

Tell him you're going to monitor his internet traffic, then buy him a yearly subscription to Hustler. Then at least you'll know he's only looking at quality material. And he might let you borrow it.

But seriously, just have a word. If you monitor his traffic without him knowing I bet you'll find things you really didn't want to know about. There's nothing unnatural about it, despite it being awkward to talk about.

[2 scheds]

So long as the keys on the laptop are still working, I wouldn't worry too much.



Boys will be boys and I doubt there's a guy on here that wasn't spanking like a possessed monkey when they were his age.






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[ianmcl]

your router might keep logs

[theprawn]

better to talk to him isn't it? that's what you'd do if you found razzle under the bed.

i always thought the theory was not to allow secluded browsing. have a family computer in a common area of the home.

[dr dre]

I use Norton Online Family to create an approved list of sites my kids can use however they are 8 and 5 - might work but I dont think they will thank you for it

as for the shower thing ... no idea
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[ianmcl]

[andyb28]

Let it go, don't make a big thing about it discussing it with him.
It's normal, relax

If you make a big issue of it or start monitoring it, perhaps he will find other ways outside of your home. At least you know he is safe.

[ianmcl]

[LapsedRinger]

[smitters]

Definitely be upfront about it. Out of context, almost anything can be misconstrued and if the sneak-peek comes to light, its going to be a massive deal to him, irrespective of your having his best interests at heart. I'm not going to pretend it isn't going to be embarrassing on both your parts, but in years to come, your being upfront and candid about things will mean an awful lot.

Points that I think might help:

*Talking man to man. I think treating him like an adult and equal will help lower the barriers.

*Possibly start with humour? "You don't know how good you have it. In my day, the highlight of the month was when one of the gang would come screaming down the street on his bike, having found a discarded copy of Razzle under a bush in the park...". Lets him know it's normal and has been for centuries.

*Don't go on. Short and sweet, but let him know if he has any questions, then he can come to you and ask. A genuine source of information beats playground heresay. Mrs S was given this as a (deeply inquisitive) kid and swears having unshockable and open parents as one of the greatest things about growing up.

*Definitely make sure you won't be disturbed. Maybe mild entrapment like a car, so you can't get a "runaway" response, but timed so he can then go and get some thinking time right after.

*If you've got younger ones too, reinforce the adult point of view by letting him know if he's going to carry on it's his responsibility to make sure little Joey or Jessica don't see anything.

*Remind him that, much like Star Wars, just because it's on the screen, it doesn't mean it happens in real life. There was a TV show a few years back about perceptions of sex in teenagers. When asked by the teacher where a man would normally ejaculate, one lad piped up with "In 'er face.". I don't think the Bristolian accent helped, but still.

*Maybe rent him a copy of "I Love You Man". Not a seedy movie, but a bromance with a pretty frank scene on masturbation.

Failing all of the above, you could just buy a book that basically says "It's all normal." and leave it somewhere prominent. It's what my folks did. Not ideal, but much better than nothing.

Finally, maybe consider upping the broadband download limits now it's got to handle one extra?
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[boondog]

LapsedRinger - brilliant, and it's not like you're going to remind him of that EVERY single time you see him, is it ?

When I was checking logs etc, and building a system to point out dodgy browsing at work, it revealed all kinds of things I just didn't want to know.
One guy downloaded around 4000 pictures of women .. but ... every single one of them was a headshot of wigs. Nothing else. Luckily I've left, but I had to look at this bloke every day and wonder why he wanted pictures of wigs

[OldNick]

Turn off the hot water. Cold shower. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

[Jorgan]